When I revisited one of my old journals this morning, little did I think I would be serving myself a big ole slice of humble pie.  This is from 2011.  

Let me interject here that I have “talked back” to God for over an hour.  He wanted me to share this.  Me? Not so much…sigh.  

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Ok…so this morning I was reading my Bible (1 Timothy and Titus).  

As I was reading through these books, a couple of things jumped out at me, coupled with God bringing back to my mind something that took place last night.   

I’ll start with the “something” that took place last night.  So my hubby came home and decided to mow the grass with his newly-repaired tractor.  That’s not a bad thing is it?  Of course, not; but at that announcement, I was really annoyed.  I don’t know exactly why I was annoyed because he wasn’t supposed to be home anyway.  He’d had a business meeting out of town and had told me he would be home late.   So I hadn’t expected him to be home then anyway.

Perhaps this “announcement” affected me because I had invited the kids to come have dinner with me, and when the hubs showed up, I expected him to sit down and eat with us.  He didn’t. 

(Now understand that I DID get the fact that since it had been raining buckets, coupled with the fact that our tractor had been in disrepair, the grass was quite high and it did need mowing.)  

Anyway, the kids and I sat down at the table, while the hubs headed back to change clothes to go outside.  Before he went out, he asked if, when I got a minute, I would go fill up the gas cans.  GRRRRRRRR. 

Here came the attitude again.  Not only was HE not staying in to eat with us, he was expecting ME to leave the kids to go get him gas?!!!  GRRRRRRR   

Well, as the compliant wife that I am (haha), I inhaled my dinner, grabbed my debit card, and headed out the door. 

When I got outside to ask him where the empty cans were, there my hubby stood, talking to a neighbor.  Well, when I saw that scene, the intensity of my annoyed-ness escalated. 

Grrrrrrr  You mean you’re not mowing??!!  You’re out here shooting the breeze with the neighbor, when you could be inside with your family around the table!! 

And you guessed it, I crossed over from “feeling annoyed” to “spouting off” something not so befitting someone who calls herself a believer. 

Ok…the above was just to set the scene for ya.  What’s to follow is the part that God emphasized to me. 

 So…I mouthed off.  Mike heard me.  The neighbor, who is quite hard of hearing, knew I said something, but couldn’t hear me.  He motioned for me to repeat what I said…LOUDER.  I didn’t wanna repeat THAT louder. 

I was faced with a choice:  let him think I’m rude because I won’t repeat what I said…or repeat my words and lose my testimony.  Sorry to say, I repeated what I said. 

As I was studying this morning, God brought a couple phrases to my attention.  The first one was in 1 Timothy 2:10, “appropriate for women who profess to worship God”.  The second one was in Titus 2 where Paul is telling Titus to teach the older women (and yes, I consider myself in that “older woman” category…sigh), “be reverent in the way (you) live”. 

Wow…heavy conviction fell upon me.  You see, I felt badly last night when I had to repeat my “not so nice” words for the hard-of-hearing neighbor, but not badly enough to make the right choice not to repeat it, nor badly enough to ask God to forgive me for saying it in the first place. 

This morning, I came away with a good “filter” through which to pass my words before I say them.  

“If I had to shout these words LOUDLY, would I still say them?” 

 “People know I worship God.
Will these words build up, or tear down, my testimony?” 

Wow God, I’m so sorry.  So very sorry.  I lived out the slippery slope from “feeling angry”…to allowing that anger to fester…and then give birth to nasty words.  Please forgive me.  I’m very humbled, Lord.  Please help me to process my emotions in a way that’s pleasing to You.  Please enable me to see situations that I’m in from a spiritual perspective.  I soooo fell prey to the trap of the evil one in what happened last night.  Please give me clarity of perception to see him working against me so I can take a firm stand on what I KNOW is right.  I love you Lord…thank you for loving me, even when my behavior is  unlovely.