I’ve been looking back through my journal entries this morning, rereading and tweaking and deciding which to share on this blog and which ones to keep to myself.  Honestly, my heart wanted to keep this one to myself because it makes me feel vulnerable sharing these kinds of thoughts.  But when God says, “Do it”, do it I must.    

So this verse below came up in a study I was doing a while back, and as I read the verse, God began to speak and I began to journal.

“Then I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, 
‘Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us’?”
Then I said, “Here I am.  Send me!”  
~~Isaiah 6:8~~

God could force any one He desires to do His work.  He could even commission the angels to come down and do His work.  But instead, God desires ready, humans with willing hearts to serve Him.  

In Isaiah 6:8, I see God and man working in tandem.  God sends – we go.  I love the representation of the Trinity here.  “Who will go for US?”  “Send me” shows a heart of surrender and submission.  Isaiah didn’t say, “Here I am.  I will go.”  No, instead, with the humble heart of a servant, he said, “Here I am. Send me.”  

Oswald Chambers, in “My Utmost for His Highest” wrote,

“The call is the representation of the nature of the One who calls, and we can only recognize the call if that same nature is in us.  The call of God is not a reflection of my nature; my personal desires and temperament are of no consideration.  As long as I dwell on my own qualities and traits, and think about what I am suited for, I will never hear the call of God.  BUT when God brings me into the right relationship with Himself, I will be in the same condition Isaiah was.  Isaiah was so attuned to God because of the great crisis he had just endured.  The call of God penetrated his soul.  The majority of us cannot hear anything but ourselves.”  

That is painful.  That is sobering.  That is true.  

Oh Lord, this past year has been so full of loss for me, placing new responsibilities on my plate that I never thought I would have.  And now, having just lost my job, I find myself experiencing yet another loss.  Through all of this, I have been focusing on what I feel.  Thank you for opening my understanding to see that I will never hear You with that mindset.  

This past week, my thoughts have been consumed with finding another job, but my focus has been what “I” am suited for, what “I” am gonna do to bring income into this household.  I haven’t allowed this pause in employment to do its work IN me.  A couple days ago, I made the comment that YOU have been meeting my needs these past years, not my job.  My job was just the tool that You were using to take care of us.  But honestly, while that truth came to my head, it hadn’t reached my heart because I was still fretting and planning what “I” would do  next.  

I’m so sorry, Father.  I have still been in the place of “me do” and as I contemplated what “I” am equipped to do.  All my thoughts, being centered around myself and my circumstances, have made so much emotional noise that I could not hear YOUR voice.  But I am listening now, Lord.  I desire to advance Your kingdom.  Please show me how and where and when.  I love You and am so grateful for how You ordered my footsteps to do this particular study right now.  You are so good to me.  I love you so much.  

If any of this resonates with you, please drop me a note and share with me.  I’d love to be able to hold you up in prayer, as I hope you will do for me.  Renewing our minds and adopting God’s perspective on things is not a “one-and-done” thing, and we need the support and encouragement of the Holy Spirit, as well as that of fellow believers to be successful in making it renewing our minds a habit.