We all have times where the only thought that we can pull together is “I just can’t…”  So I’m gonna be transparent this morning, which if you know me at all, is really scary for me.  But I figure, if sharing can encourage just one person, it is worth the risk.  So here goes.  

As I’ve shared before, I have lost three people in the course of 18 months.  This has had its challenges as I work through grief, as well as do what is necessary to “close out a life”.  Well, since my mom passed away at the beginning of November, I have been dealing with surges of feeling so very overwhelmed.  This is different from when I lost my dad when dad died, I did’t have to clean anything out of the house because mom was still living there.  But with mom in heaven now, I have to handle cleaning out their home, as well as handling a lot of paperwork.  The other evening my thoughts were racing, and I decided to make a list of things I needed to do, thinking it would help me gain clarity.  I’ll share more about how that worked out in a bit.

I’ve been reading the Scriptures chronologically, and I’m in Joshua now.  What struck me today as I read was how God described Joshua as “old and advanced in years”, Joshua 13:1.  What a contrast that was between how God had described Moses in Deuteronomy 34:7, “Moses was 120 years old when he died, yet his eyes were not weak nor his strength gone” and Caleb in Joshua 13:13, “still as strong today as I was in the day Moses sent me; as my strength was then, so is my strength now, for war, and for going out and coming in”. 

What made the difference? In the past few weeks, I had noticed how God repeatedly told Joshua to “be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid”.  Perhaps Joshua struggled with recurring emotions of fear, so God continued to encourage and admonish him toward being strong and courageous.  As I pondered that, I began to wonder if it could be that “fear” played a factor in his aging? If you have ever really struggled with your emotions, you know very well that emotions can take their toll both mentally and physically.

I loved to see how God met Joshua right where he was. He approached him with grace, when He said, “I WILL DRIVE THEM OUT BEFORE THE SONS OF ISRAEL” (13:6), and that Joshua just had to be obedient to allot it for an inheritance for the nine and a half tribes left.  God let Joshua know that, just as in times passed, He had a plan and would do what needed doing to insure that plan came to pass.  Joshua wasn’t alone in the “doing”.  

I also see another facet in God acknowledging Joshua’s age.  He was reminding him that he couldn’t quit yet; he still had a job to do. It’s so easy when you are emotionally spent to just poop out.  

This was so very personal to me this morning. As I mentioned earlier, I was so overwhelmed and had made a list of things I had to do.  While clarity was my goal in doing that, it is not what I gained in that process.  When I looked at that list of to-dos, I just wanted to go to bed and hide under my covers.

But you know what?  God used His word this morning to remind me of some things.  

He is sees me. 

He knows how I feel.

Just keep going because He is with me.

His Spirit counseled me to just do the next thing on my list instead of looking at the list as a whole and getting overwhelmed. He reminded me that, just as God told Joshua “I WILL DRIVE THEM OUT” and you do what I told you to, He will be with me as I take on each task on my list.  

I love how intimate God’s care is of each of us. He knows us through and through and meets us at our point of need. Thank You Spirit for so tenderly helping me refocus. I love you so much.